In this podcast:
00:19- What to do when stuff happens?
00:59 – it’s knowing how to deal with it
01:35 – if it doesn’t directly affect the individual, it affects them more
01:46 – the mindset – not just giving up straightaway
02:23 – you’re looking for other answers
03:46 – would you think it’s beneficial for you to keep looking after yourself?
03:50 – if I don’t look after myself, I can’t look after those around me
04:58 – when there’s emotion involved, we always react very differently
08:52 – have a solution-based thinking
10:18 – look at the solutions to the problem, not just the problem
11:06 – “When this is over, I’ll get back to it”
12:25 – Magnesium does make a big difference
4:03 – Glutamine is a really good one
15:30 – working out – a way to let off steam
16:15 – get action to get your control back and looking after yourself
16:37 – be in a positive aura around anyone that needs your help
18:08 – structure is very important for confidence
19:43 – It’s the principles that are important
Hello and welcome to another new episode of the TheDVCC.com podcast. I’m Mark Gray
Stephen: And I’m Stephen.
Mark: So today we are going to be talking about another new subject. What is it Stephen?
Stephen: We’re going to talk about what to do when stuff happens and what I mean by that is when life stress, things happen around you that kind of impacted you which can often have an impact on whether you still take care of yourself, e.g., or whether you still exercise, eat well and that sort of thing. Because from my experience and talking to a lot of people, that can be one thing that really derails people from their own personal efforts. For example, one of your family members is ail and you have to help out or, you know, something around you happens, some sort of stress, life stress happens and it’s knowing how to deal with it to be able to, obviously it’s going to have an impact, but try not to let it have a detrimental impact on your personal health and things like that.
Mark: Yeah, you often see that when something happens to somebody else close to you, it affects you more in terms of stopping, you know, perhaps your working out regimen or your eating. If it something happens to someone close, it seems to affect someone, you know, more. You know, they feel bad that they shouldn’t be exercising, or you know, taking an hour away from the day or whatever it is. But often I see that if it doesn’t directly affecting the individual, it actually affects them more, if that makes.
Stephen: Yeah. And so the first thing I like to cover is probably mindset. So the mindset in that, rather than not just giving up straightaway, in that, if something happens to someone around, you’ve got to scrabble, you know, to help them out. You’ve got to do something in some way. Something happens in your personal life, something happens in their personal life, but you’re the one that is closest, so you’re going to have to help them. Rather than just not having that mindset and not just giving up straightaway or having that kind of a reason and excuse not to do anything. When I say excuse, I don’t mean that in the bad sort of sense. I mean that you’re not looking for other answers, not necessarily just thinking…yeah I mean, let’s be fair. Weight loss and transforming your body is not easy, is it? And it’s not the easy route. So if something happens to derail you, sometimes people can kind of take, sometimes it’s easier just to use that as a reason.
Mark: as a reason…
Stephen: Not as an excuse but as a reason to stop and, you know, and then they’ll be back to square one and we kind of we saw or have experienced that a lot. We’ve managed to intervene a lot and, you know, the reason we talk about this is because I know from first-hand experience that the people that perhaps if I left them to, you know, to stop because of whatever circumstances two months down the line, I’ve actually managed to keep them training and losing weight and whatever and you encouraged them to keep going and they always thanked me because it always seems, when you’re in the moment it seems a lot worse.
Mark: This is the point and this is the reason we’re actually recording this podcast because hopefully it will help people when they’re in that moment, that’s the key, in that when you would discuss with someone when, you know, everything is going well and so the stresses aren’t there, they’ll say yes – if you would say – right, if this situation were to happen, what would you like to do, would you think it was beneficial for you to keep exercising, keep looking after yourself and they’ll always say yes, of course, if I don’t look after myself, I can’t look after those around me. But when you’re in that moment, it’s very, very different and often we don’t think quite the same way because everything kind of overwhelms us. So by actually recording this and the half the reason we’ve decided to talk about this topic was that hopefully it gives you a bit of clarity when you’re actually kind of everything is overwhelming, so that you’re not thinking quite the same way you would.
Stephen: Yeah. It’s amazing to see the decision that someone will make, and when I say someone I include, you know, myself and you in this, everyone in it. When they’re in the moment, you know, in the emotional state or whatever compared to if they were outside of that kind of moment. You see, you know, if something…it’s like the whole thing of you could have a doctor or, you know, someone who’s highly trained in terms of first aid or whatever, and their child or someone close to them gets injured or whatever, they will react completely differently compared to if it was a stranger that, you know, they just kind of react with their professional kind of head on compared to an emotional one where if someone that’s super close to them and, you know, they wouldn’t react how they would do normally.
Mark: That’s right. So when there’s emotion involved, we always react very differently, which is not always beneficial to us. I think actually part of the reason some people or I mean we’ve been through this sort of situation where, you know, outside stresses as and health issues and things around you, to other people around you kind of happened and it’s very easy to kind of stop what you normally do for yourself, because you almost feel guilty.
Stephen: Yeah, exactly. And this is a first-hand experience and, I guess, still kind of going in terms of family members being sick and ill, but we did exactly the same thing as we’ve talked about here for a short period of time, and we realized you kind of…it’s kind of funny isn’t it? Because you stopped doing what you should be doing to keep yourself healthy and, you know, whatever or more alert, but you don’t actually help them anymore than you would, you know, by not doing it, if you know what I mean.
Mark: You know, I think so we’ve just covered that. Part of reason people tends to stop is because it’s almost the sense of guilt. Why should I be taking time out to look after myself if, you know, that person is sick or that person can’t do this or whatever the situation is. But realistically if you look at it objectively, it’s completely the wrong view to have because like I just mentioned earlier, if you don’t take care of yourself then you cannot take care of those around you. And so this is true overall in not just stressful situations, overall. That if you don’t take care of your own health, own fitness, that sort of things, then you cannot look after those around you. So you kind of doing them a disservice if you’re not actually in the right state yourself to look after them. So that the more you take care of yourself, the more you can actually impact positively those closest to you.
Stephen: I mean that comes down and fairly apparently as well with kind of young mothers or, you know, not even young mothers in terms of, you know, children may be 3, 4, or 5, they’ve been prioritizing their children and not themselves, so they’re not lost the weight or not at the body size that they’re comfortable with. Therefore the confidence is low but that actually impacts the children, and you know, how the child is growing up. Because I know a lot of ladies, subconsciously you put your feelings onto your children. They obviously can, you know, understand how someone’s feeling. If you’re not feeling confident about yourself, your weight or whatever. I know this is a lot, this is actually really interesting when a lady said that, I think it was her daughter, a young daughter maybe 6 or so, kept on talking about diet or something like because all she’s heard from her mummy are ‘I’m going to go on a diet,’ you know, and that kind of talk all the time or ‘I need to do…or I shouldn’t eat that…and I need to keep on my diet’ kind of thing and she picked up a lot. Because children don’t have filters until was at the age of 6?
Mark: 5. I think it’s 5.
Stephen: 5 or 6 or whatever you tell them they believe and I’m sure you’ve got experience in this, in that, whatever you tell a child before that age, they believe just, you know, they have no reference points to, you know, to say yes or no. Anyway, we digress.
Mark: So yes. So I think just covering that sort of mindset that when you’re in that sort of situation, you kind of have to take almost, take yourself mentally out of it and think right, if I’m going to be able to look after those, you know, who have a need, assistance or whatever, and whatever the situation may be, then I need to be looking after myself. And when you kind of have that mental thought processing attitude, you’ll then start looking at things slightly different. So my next point was to have that kind of solution-based thinking that there is always a way around something. So often when the doom and gloom sets in, we kind of change the way we think. And I call this solution-based thinking. So looking at a problem but looking at the solution to that problem rather than thinking about the problem.
Stephen: Just the problem.
Mark: Just the problem. And it’s a big, big difference if you’re thinking about a way around something or a way you can work with something but make it work, then it’s a big difference to just complaining or thinking about the issue.
Stephen: I’m just trying to think of an example, like a really laymen’s terms example would be you come across and you need to – I don’t know – you’re walking across a field and there’s a stream in the way and you can’t – and this is really laymen’s terms –
Mark: How laymen’s that could be?
Stephen: and you can’t get across the stream and the stream is in the way, you need to get across to the other side, and you know, the stream is in the way,as supposed to, ‘Oh, let me try and find a way around…
Mark: or maybe down or…
Stephen: or around the stream or whatever.
Mark: that’s a pretty basic…
Stephen: it’s kind of the generalized…
Mark: But it is true and when you’re in that kind of stress situation, often we tend to kind of get overwhelmed by the problem rather than looking at ways around it and ways we can work with it and still, you know, solution-based thinking basically. So take yourself out of that situation mentally, I know it’s going to be tough, it’s not always really, really possible but you can work around it and make a way and look at the solutions to the problem and not just the problem. And that’s always why it’s good sometimes to have an impassionate view from someone outside of the situation because they can, as I would say, look at it dispassionately and assess it without any emotion. If you don’t have someone like that, you just have to try and step out, like Stephen says, step out of it mentally. You know, it might even just be half an hour, but you can still get some good thinking and some good solution-based just in that very short time.
And I think when we talk about it, it kind of everything referenced back to knowing that it is so important that you look after yourself to be able to look after others. And I think another thing that people kind of tend, in my experience, tend to do or say, ‘when this is over, I’ll get back into it’. But the problem is it often, those sorts of things, they often are never over, because one thing leads to another and to another and so you always constantly waiting for that time where you’re going to go back and look after yourself, going to go back, exercise and work out, start losing and carrying on losing the weight or what have you and you’re waiting for that moment, but that moment never comes. Stephen: There’s never a right moment. Just like the whole people waiting for Christmas time, you know, to start exercising, you know, skipping November and December, because ‘I’m going to wait until Christmas’ and then Christmas kind of finishes like mid-January, end of January really when everything is over and then by that time, they kind of wait and it’s Easter and then it’s summer and, you know, there’s always something that can push you further down the line. So yeah.
Mark: So, anyway. So we’ve covered solution-based thinking, making sure that you got that mindset that you’re going to work out a way around the problem and also that there should be no guilt or whatsoever that you have to be fit and healthy to look after others anyway. And there should be no guilt in looking after yourself because, you know, you have to look after yourself to be able to look after others. I mean a couple of practical things that also help when you go through stressful times and we’ve covered “magnesium” awful lot, but it really does make a big difference. When you’re stressed, you deplete magnesium. So if you’re in a stressful situation whatever it may be, just by upping or, in fact, taking magnesium, you’re going to be able to handle stress an awful lot better. The magnesium normally should be taking in the evening, but if you’re in a really stressful situation, it is actually possible to take it throughout the day. But I suggest you, if you want more sort of detailed information about how you do that, you need to write underneath this podcast, then we’ll be able to tell you a little bit more because it can get a little bit complex. But just to know that taking magnesium in the evening will help you sleep because again stress can often lead to you not sleeping so well which then kind of has an impact overall anyway. So magnesium would be one practical way.
Just another side note, I’m just thinking, because I’ve got a, you probably hear it, I got a bit of a cold at the moment. I think it’s my second day or something, and I know that lots of people are going to be getting that around this time as we’re kind of heading towards Easter because what’s the reason that most people get cold after, I think, just after Easter? Stephen: It’s just after Easter because sugar, lots of people have more sugar, it lowers your immune system. So tell me why you got a cold Mark?
Mark: Probably because I had a bit too much sugar on Saturday evening.
Stephen: Let’s just be honest here.
Mark: Yeah. I went out for a meal in Clapton and yeah, a bit too much sugar. I felt terribly bad. It went on Sunday.
Stephen: A bad example.
Mark: It’s a very bad example but I went straight back into eating well and I’m still exercising even though I got a cold and a bit of headache. But what I’m taking to fix me is glutamine. A lot of people don’t know that glutamine is a really good. Well, it’s like mine one after magnesium in terms of hierarchy of the most important.
Stephen: I think we’re actually going to record a podcast on how to prevent illness because there’s a lot you can do. So we’ll cover glutamine in a bit more depth. But yeah, I think the point being that you caused it yourself.
Mark: But I’m going to fix it. Not too much sugar at Easter everyone, because that’s what causes you to lower your immune system and end up becoming ill. So anyway, we’re digressing a little bit. Now I think we can talk and it’s very easy. I think the biggest point to make really is that when you’re in the situation you will not be thinking as clearly as you would when you’re out of the situation. So hopefully you can listen to this podcast and not just disregard it. It’s always ‘my situation is different’ or because believe me, we’ve been certainly in very stressful situations where other people around you maybe ill or what have you, and that you need to help them but as we found from experience, we actually ended up working out more. So looking at it at completely opposite way, rather than working out less, we ended up working out more and that really, really helped because it gave us a way to kind of let off steam. So let’s, I mean, can we use reward example, I don’t know if we can, but, for example, when something happens, the best thing you can do is to take action. So a lot of people, you know, the whole dwellings on things. Also we know from like our experience as soon as something negative or something, you know, isn’t perhaps what you want to happen happens, immediately we will do something to try and fix it or move it along, you know.
Stephen: Well, because basically being out of control causes fear. So if someone else is ill for example, you’re out of control, because you can’t realistically impact that strongly, so you feel out of control which is where fear comes in. So if you can then take action to, you know, get your control back and looking after yourself is a way you can really take action on that and increase your personal confidence and that will really, really impact in your whole mindset and how you’re able to actually impact those around you. Because everyone knows that when you’re exercising and working out more and feeling better about yourself, you’re more positive, right? So therefore, you have that more positive aura that you’re able to be around anyone that needs your help or assistance.
Mark: So a really quick thing about that, so if you don’t know something, that’s where fear, you know, fear stems from that. So if you don’t what a cold was, right, if it wasn’t so obvious, and you say, ‘Oh, I got a cold’ that could have terrible connotations if you don’t. But because you know what a cold is and it’s not that serious, then that’s fine. So immediately if you have something negative happened to you, if you find out about it and you’re coming from a position of knowledge, then you’ll be far more confident.
Stephen: True. True. And so therefore, the point being we’re making is that, if you don’t take control of your own personal physical health, you’re able to be a lot more confident and a lot more positive and when you’re obviously positive, like we’ve discussed a lot, you’re able to handle things a lot better. So you’re going to be able to impact those people that need your help a lot more positively.
Mark: Correct. So I think the overriding point of the whole discussion is that what seems like the right thing at the time when you’re in a stressful situation is normally very different to what you would tell yourself to do if you weren’t in that situation anymore. So often the thing you don’t want to do is just to kind of throw up your hands and say…
Stephen: your immediate reaction..
Mark: your immediate reaction is to stop everything that you normally, you know, because structure obviously is very important for confidence and things like that. So if you just then lose your whole structure, often that can kind of bring you down a little bit more. So by exercising, working out and taking care of yourself, making that time for yourself, knowing that you’re actually doing those around you a favor because you’re going to be more positive, you’re going to be more confident, you’re going to be able to assist them more, then you’re going to far more likely actually look at the solution-based thinking and find a way to do it and get it done and, you know, knowing that you’re going to be able to actually be helping those people more than if you were just kind of give up your whole normal routine of how you look after yourself.
Stephen: Exactly. And realistically an hour a day isn’t much and if that’s…there’s a way around it basically is what I’m trying to say. There’s a way of doing it.
Mark: And if you have any situation where you’ve had this, just comment below, because that will be a good one for people to have kind of little mini case studies of situation that someone felt they shouldn’t, you know, spend time on themselves or exercise or whatever it is, but they carried on doing it and it actually helped them, so yeah let us know. Put in the comments below. Comment on the blog actually, that would be really good. We got comments on the blog where you can write and we can see them, we can reply, as well as on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest, or the other ones, but the blog is the specific one that would be great if you could comment on.
So I just want to really kind of hammer home the point that yes, everyone has a different situation but it’s the principles that are important, not just thinking of ‘what are they talking about, my situation is completely different.’ Everyone has a different situation and, you know, it’s not for anyone to judge their situation, it’s more stressful than someone else’s. Those principles about knowing that you need to look after yourself to be able to look after others and solution-based thinking, so that you’re able to do that, they’re the important ones, rather than just saying, ‘oh that’s rubbish, because my situation is different.’ And sure everyone, and that’s the thing with being in the situation at the time, it’s often very good to kind of get a dispassionate view because as we all know, when we’re emotional about something, we don’t necessarily do the same thing that we would do when we’re not emotional.
Stephen: Yes, so until next week.
Mark: So with that. Have a great week and we’ll speak to you very soon. Bye-bye.
