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June 8, 2014

{Podcast} How To Build Your Confidence To Lose Weight

Health, Exercise, Confidence

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 Highlights of the Podcast:

  • Confidence and how it relates to weight loss
  • Confidence is developed
  • Confident people support and build up other people
  • Tricks and techniques to improve confidence
  • Do it for 21 days so it becomes a habit
  • Write down the 5 things you are grateful for each day
  • Write down your 3 wins for the day
  • Get support from your team
  • Make sure your team is positive
  • Cooking food for your next week
  • Exercising and eating well
  • Sleeping 7 to 8 hours a nigh

Mark:  Hello and welcome to another new episode of the TheDVCC.com podcast. I am Mark Gray, and sitting next to me is my trusty companion, Stephen.

Stephen:  Like who was the guy on the horse? What was his name?

Mark:  Tonto!

Stephen:  Tonto, yes.

Mark:  You’re my little Tonto.

Stephen:  Really?

Mark:  My little Tonto.

Stephen:  Anyway, actually, it’s lovely weather today. I know I always give you a little weather check. I hope you enjoy it. Today is very sunny. We’re actually sitting outside and doing this. Hopefully, the wind won’t pick up and so you won’t hear too many crackles and things. But if you do, I apologize in advance. But to be honest, the weather is too nice to be indoors.

Mark:  So, today we’re going to be talking about?

Stephen:  We’re going to be talking about confidence.

Mark:  Confidence and how it relates to weight loss. But also life, I guess.

Stephen:  I reckon. Basically, we’re going to be talking about confidence because one thing we’ve always discussed and we’ve always been looking at how we can actually try and improve is whenever we meet with someone and they ask to come and they become a client in one of our Milton Keynes or Bedford centres and they ask, and when you get down to the actual discussion, a lot of it revolves around wanting to get confidence back.

So, perhaps someone has put on some weight and that’s affected their confidence. They don’t go out the same, they don’t do the same things that they used to do or they want to do, and a lot of it relates back to confidence. And so, really, I’ve been passionate about this subject for a while now, actually, haven’t I?

Mark:  You are always talking about it, and it’s because we boiled it down to that is what if you could give anybody anything, confidence would be the one thing, and that is what weight loss tends – when someone loses a lot of weight or loses enough weight, that we gain – actually, this is one of the questions I always ask people, because when I ask someone, “What would you like to weigh or what dress size or weight size would you like to be?” they’re like, “Oh, what do you think?” They’re like, “Oh, my doctor says I should be this or looking at those charts, I should be this,” and I always say, “I don’t really care about those charts. When was the time this dress time that you were most confident and felt the most happy?” And that is the one that we work to get people back towards. So, that’s why confidence has become such a big thing for us to focus on and to think about.

Stephen:  Well, I think confidence is probably the most important human ability we can actually develop. And actually, when I say “develop,” because I think people kind of assume that confidence, you’re born with confidence or you’re not, but that’s not the truth of it. It’s a skill you can actually develop. So, I think, well, if children were taught at school how to increase their own personal confidence, I think that would be a much, much more important thing to learn than a lot of stuff that they do get taught.

Mark:  And yes, you say if they’re taught how to increase their confidence. But often, increasing your confidence is doing the things that make you confident, isn’t it? Like if you identified things that you do every day, things you enjoy or the things that make you the most confident, if you just did more of them, you’d be more confident, right?

Stephen:  Uh-hmm.

Mark:  Or realizing what takes your confidence away.

Stephen:  Oh yes.

Mark:  As well. That’s another one. Another way of looking at it. For example, when we’re talking about me, I feel for some reason, whatever the reason is, I feel much more confident about and positive if my car is clean. Literally, if I take it to the car cleaner and get the inside and the outside done, I don’t know why, I can’t put my finger on it. I think it’s just because it feels more organized.

Stephen:  I wonder if you’d feel more confident if you actually cleaned it as well.

Mark:  I just wouldn’t do as good a job probably, I think. I’m not as skilled as they are. But anyway, I’ve written down a definition I really liked of confidence, and it’s “the ability to transform fear into focused, relaxed thinking, communication and action. Now, I can’t remember where I got that from, but I really quite liked it, so I’ve put it down. And I think it’s just really important to realize that a confident person, if you’re confident, literally anything is possible, right?

Stephen:  Yes. True.

Mark:  At least the perception to yourself that anything is possible. Therefore, you’re going to achieve a lot more.

Stephen:  Yes. And when we talk about weight loss and things, when you’re confident and – for example, I’ve used this example before, but maybe you have to miss a meal. You go somewhere and you can’t eat what you want to eat. A confident person won’t stress about that. They’ll deal with the situation as best as they can, and then they’ll get straight back on track. Whereas, someone that’s not as confident uses the fact that they maybe not been able to eat a meal that they wanted to or have had to eat a meal that they didn’t want to, but uses it almost as a way to derail themselves. And it’s kind of the thing is a confident person can pretty much shut out all other distractions and they have the ability to do that and to establish priorities, like weight loss, for example. And because they’re confident, they’re able to make much more sound judgments, which will help them towards being more confident. If that’s their goal – losing weight or whatever – that gives them more confidence. It’s kind of like a vicious circle in a positive way.

Mark:  Basically, yes. They react to what happens around them much more positively, and as a result, end up with better outcomes, right?

Stephen:  Like I said, it is kind of a vicious circle like in a positive way where you do the things that make you confident and you become more confident and it goes round and round and round like that.

Mark:  And I reckon everything – and this is not just me reckoning as well – from a lot of literature and stuff that I’ve read, a lot of other or most other capabilities actually require you to have a basis of confidence anyway. So, without that confidence, a lot of skills and things aren’t as useful as when you have a real base of confidence.

Stephen:  True. And I mean, if you’re a parent, I’m sure most parents agree that they want to make their children confident. And yes, I think people get confused with arrogance, confidence, cockiness and things like that. But confidence is not arrogance. I think it can get confused a lot.

Mark:  I saw this thing on Facebook. It was a girl that posted it. It was the qualities of gentlemen which she posted on her Facebook saying I need to find a gentleman or I want to find a gentleman, and one of the qualities was “A gentleman knows the difference between confidence and arrogance. There’s a fine line, but they’re always on the right line of being confident and not arrogant.”

Stephen:  I like the thought of thinking when you’re talking about a confident person when we’re talking about weight loss. I remember back when we were talking about the graphic that I did about people that make transformations compared to people that don’t and their attributes, and confident people are fine with complimenting other people, they’re fine with helping other people and things like that because they feel confident about themselves. So, they don’t need to make others feel small, they don’t need to talk badly about others, they don’t need to gossip and try and actually hurt others because they are confident with themselves.

Mark:  That’s a fair point and that’s a fairly good one because yes, you do notice the people. Like we always say this and we generally kind of got this down that if someone’s giving you a hard time, it’s because they’re having a hard time. But also, if someone’s not being supportive, often, it’s because they’re less confident in themselves and they’re putting that on you.

Stephen:  And we’ve experienced this quite a lot, particularly with transformations. Say either a woman or a man will be exercising and losing weight, looking better and feeling better, becoming more confident and their partner subconsciously or consciously does something to try and derail them. So they might find that suddenly, they’re coming home and their lovely partner is buying them cakes and things like that or making meals and things that they don’t really want to eat, or why are you having a trainer? You don’t need a trainer. You can do this by yourself. Why do you need a trainer?

Mark:  And just a quick answer to that one is why does Usain Bolt have a trainer? He’s the fastest man in the world, but he still has a trainer. He’s a lot quicker than the guy that coaches him, but he still has a coach. So give them that as a quick answer.

Stephen:  So yes, they can try and really derail them in a million different ways. Even try and make them – I mean, knocking their confidence. A lot of partners in our experience try to knock their partner’s confidence, but that’s merely a representation of how they feel about themselves, how their confidence is, because if they were more confident in their relationship and confident within themselves, then they don’t feel the need to try and knock that other person down and they try and actually build them up and support them. But anyway, I think we’ve spoken a little bit about why we know confidence is so important, particularly for weight loss. But, actually, life in general, as far as I’m concerned, and that confidence is actually a skill that you can learn.

So, we’ve put down a few little techniques, tricks and techniques that you can use to actually improve your confidence  because it is a skill. And this is the thing, I think. I read there’s a really great difference between needing someone else to make you confident as opposed to being able to make yourself confident. Because if you’re always looking for someone else to make you confident, that someone gives you a nice compliment or something else like that, then when that doesn’t happen, what happens? Your confidence goes down.

Mark:  And when you say look at yourself to make yourself confident, like that can be putting yourself in situations where you feel confident and you become more confident. That’s not an external – it is, but it’s you putting yourself in that position. You know what I mean?

Stephen:  I think so.

Mark:  [Laughs] So, otherwise, you just self-talk all the time, or if going to the gym three times a week makes you more confident, you do that.

Stephen:  Yes. Well, we’re going to talk about strategies, but I’m still asking that’s putting yourself in the position.

Mark:  Right. You’re taking control, effectively.

Stephen:  Yes. That’s what I’m saying.

Mark:  You’re in charge of your own confidence.

Stephen:  Even if it seems like an external factor, the actual exercise, but it’s not because you are the one doing it.

Mark:  Yes. You’re in control of it. So, what I want you to do when you’re listening to this now is to listen to see which one of these strategies or two or three that you want to try. I mean, I suggest you try one of these at a time for 21 days. So I’d like you to try them for 21 days.

Stephen:  And you shall know why 21 days. The answer is?

Mark:  After 21 days, it becomes a habit.

Stephen:  I was going to wait for the audience’s reply.

Mark:  Oh, I don’t think they will.

Stephen:  Okay. In your head. So I hope you just answered that.

Mark:  So it’s going to become a habit and it’s then you’re going to be automatically doing it. So, the first – well, the first way or strategy – and we talked about – you’ll find actually that if you listen to our previous podcast about the graphic that we showed – the qualities of successful transformations  or transformers – you’ll find that these are…

Stephen:  Some of them, yes.

Mark:  Very similar, if not identical to some of those. But, the first one is?

Stephen:  Focusing on gratitude. So, I think a lot of people are very quick to focus on what they don’t have, what’s going wrong, what doesn’t work, rather than actually focusing on what you’re grateful for. So, this is the strategy. And that is to every day, I want you to write down five things that you are grateful for. So, I’ve written down a couple of examples. I’m grateful for the health of my children could be an example. That’s not me. I don’t have children, yet.

Mark:  Yet.

Stephen:  I think maybe in 20 years’ time, possibly.

Mark:  When you’re 40?

Stephen:  Yes. When I’m 40, yes. Or I’m grateful for my partner. There’s two examples. Basically, when you’re thinking, it could be anything. It could be I’m grateful for my own health. It could be anything to do with. But the one thing is you will always be able to find something that you’re grateful for. Don’t worry if it’s a small thing. This is an exercise. You’re effectively working that muscle in your brain that will actually help you do this. So, after you’ve done it for the first day, it might be a struggle. You might struggle to just get three. But the next day, it’s a little bit easier and you get four. And then gradually, you’ll be listing down five with ease, and after 21 days it will become a habit where you’re actually focusing on what you’re grateful for.

Mark:  And you know what? If you’re listening to this, we use this strategy a lot with clients. And actually, you’ll think, oh, you do given diets or whatever. Sometimes, it’s as simple as this. Giving them the gratitude task every day, that actually results in the weight loss because when you’re confident, you make better choices.

Stephen:  That’s right. So, actually, it can boil down to as much as doing this kind of task to help you lose weight.

Mark:  And realistically, how bad can it be to actually express what you’re grateful for?

Stephen:  Exactly.

Mark:  Because there’s an awful lot – millions, billions of people – in a lot worse position. No matter what you think that you had or what went wrong or no matter what’s happening in your life, there’s always something that you can be grateful for.

Stephen:  So, for example, I’ve just found a hole in my top, and I can be like, “Oh no! I’ve got a hole in my top! Now I have to buy a new one!” But actually, what I’m thinking to myself is I’m kind of grateful because I know of a few people that would very happily sew this up for me.

Mark:  So one of those people who may be listening to this podcast.

Stephen:  Maybe listening to this podcast. So I’m grateful for that. So there you go. There’s a new grateful thing already.

Mark:  Yes. But yes, it really is a big mindset shift. It’s very important. It does make a big difference, and I think some people can think, “Oh no, that’s ridiculous! That’s kooky!” I literally urge you to do this for 21 days, and then have an opinion about it because until you’ve tried doing something like that, then I don’t think you should really think that it’s not going to work. So, try focusing writing five different things down every day. And writing them down is important because there’s a focus part of your brain which is linked when you write, so it makes a bigger, deeper impact.

Stephen:  I’m grateful for being able to speak to you guys on this podcast and while in the sun. Literally, I’m super grateful for that.

Mark:  There you go, that’s two done already.

Stephen:  I’m super grateful. And if one person, only one person actually benefits, then I’d be grateful for that. So, anyway, moving on to the next strategy – my favorite.

Mark:  It is Stephen’s favorite and Stephen texts me every single evening with this, and it is our three wins. Kind of similar to the grateful log, the grateful part but…

Stephen:  But subtly different.

Mark:  Subtly different. The three wins. What are the three wins you have had today? And a win is individual to each person. My wins, for you listening to me, could seem trivial, and vice versa. So it’s not the perceived impact of them. It is how you feel they have impacted you, I guess, and if you felt that you have achieved something by doing them.

Stephen:  And actually, we were just driving over Milton Keynes, currently, and we just drove over and we were talking together about the habits we’ve actually put in place this year.

Mark:  We were literally talking about that.

Stephen:  And one of them we were talking about was the three wins, and we were talking about the ones that we thought had the biggest impact, and we both put down the three wins that’s having a really big impact on our overall confidence and just general positivity and just general joy, joy for the day, the next day or that day that you’ve had, and it really does make a big difference. So I’ve been doing this with quite a few clients very recently actually because I really do personally believe massively in it and I think…

Mark:  Well, we do just as a center.

Stephen:  I mean, as a center, we believe that positivity and confidence is very, very important.

Mark:  I mean, we often get feedback from clients and people that that is what they feel when they walk into the centers, this positivity. And that’s what we’ve always tried to instill and it’s what we require everybody to be, but not fake positive because you can’t really fake it. It’s just to be positive, and by doing all of these things, you become.

Stephen:  That’s right. And so, this is one of my favorites. So I really would urge you, if you are on the fence about doing any of them, do this one – the three wins for the next 21 days. Write it down in the evening. And then literally, what happens is you think you’ve had a bad day, but then you writing down the three wins you’ve had, it suddenly makes a big change to you and you actually view your day a lot more positively and you realize that a lot of good things have actually happened. So, the next one?

Mark:  Right. The next one is getting support from my team. My team. Who’s on my team is going to be different to who’s on your team, but it is who’s on my team. So everyone has a team, effectively. It’s very, very, very rare for people not to have either friends, family, coworkers, people that they’re close to and people that you count as part of your team.

Stephen:  Your support network.

Mark:  So Steve, yours would be?

Stephen:  It would be my girlfriend, Louise.

Mark:  Good. Get that in first.

Stephen:  Yes. My lovely girlfriend, Louise, yes.

Mark:  Who may listen so… [Laughs]

Stephen:  I guess you’d probably be at the back of the queue somewhere.

Mark:  Oh, that’s not very nice. That’s a bit harsh.

Stephen:  But you’d be there. My sister and my parents, they would be, and…

Mark:  All the boys.

Stephen:  My friends. Yes, my boys. My friends that are boys. And also, all our team of trainers that all count the same. So that would be my support network.

Mark:  But basically, the idea behind that is that if you have that type of team around you, that you feel comfortable with discussing any problems or anything with them will help you and help you feel more confident because you know that you have their support as well, then that is a good technique to use as well.

Stephen:  Yes. Exactly. So you need to make sure that your team is positive. So you can’t really call if someone’s negative and they’re – how we’ve talked about earlier that they detract from you because they’re not as confident – that you wouldn’t generally call them part of your team because you don’t want to be discussing things with them if they’re going to be negatizing you. But, if you discuss problems with them and that helps you, they’re part of your team.

Mark:  Yes. For sure. So that’s a good strategy as well. Then we’re on to the next strategy because I know we’re running low on time, so I think we should shoot through these. Cooking food for your next week. And when we’re talking, obviously we base these on transformations and weight loss. I know this certainly gives me confidence because I know I can handle literally anything that happens in that week with energy because I know I’m going to be nourished and I’m going to have enough food to feel energetic and be able to handle anything. Because when I haven’t eaten, I’m moody, and actually, slightly depressed if I haven’t eaten. So, I know that if I’ve batch-cooked all my food on Sunday, I know that I can then handle whatever the week throws at me, and that really gives me a personal sense of confidence.

Stephen:  And you know what? For me, if I have my breakfast sorted, I sleep better at night weirdly because I know that I’m going to get up, I’m going to eat without having to spend all my time – because I eat a lot for breakfast. Like omelets and stuff are very, very, very good. With salmon and all that, it’s excellent. So far along, I have minced and things like that for breakfast, so it takes a bit longer for me to cook that. So if I’ve got that sorted for the week, I’m certainly much happier and more confident in the week.

Mark:  And anything that pops up, you can handle that much better.

Stephen:  Yes.

Mark:  And that’s the key because you’re looking to be able to – whatever life throws at you, you can handle with positivity. Because being confident doesn’t stop things happening. They’re out of your control. But, the way you react to them is drastically different. And therefore, the outcomes are much more positive.

Stephen:  Massively.

Mark:  So then, another strategy would be exercising and eating well. So we just talked about eating well, but exercising, for me again, personally, this is one of the habits because we changed our workout times. So now we now workout at about a quarter to 7 every morning. And by doing that, it means we get it done. We don’t allow other things to take over. And again, really, really personally, for me, it makes me feel more confident because when I’m training really well and eating regularly, life seems easier. Everything just seems that much easier. And I’m sure it’s true for you.

Stephen:  And it gets sunnier, clearly.

Mark:  Definitely. As today has proved. I’m sure it’s the same for you that if you exercise and eat well, you feel more confident.

Stephen:  Fact.

Mark:  So then we have the final one, which I wrote down was sleeping 7 to 8 hours a night.

Stephen:  Yes. Definitely.

Mark:  Now, you can’t underestimate how poor sleep can affect you mentally negatively. I can’t remember the exact stats, but it takes only a few days of poor quality sleep before you get into a slight, mild beginning of depression.

Stephen:  And what I get is I think pretty much one day. Like I stayed at my girlfriend’s the other night and she lives in London. So, she’s got a smaller bed than I have. That was my one investment in life, was my bed, and it’s a super king. That’s my most favorite possession in my life. A super king with a big, good, super great mattress. And so, I’m used to sleeping on a massive bed. She, unfortunately, just has like a double or whatever it is, and I just can’t get used to it and I just had such a terrible sleep. The next day, I was so unproductive, so moody.

Mark:  More moody than normal?

Stephen:  And less confident because I didn’t achieve as much as I should have done or wanted to.

Mark:  Yes. So, sleeping 7 to 8 hours a night of good quality sleep makes a big difference. So, if you’re going to bed at 12 0’clock and getting up at 6 AM, that’s just not enough. It’s not enough good quality sleep. And you’re not that person that has to go to bed that late. It’s often just a habit. So just get yourself to bed at 10, 10:30, and you’ll find that you’re waking up that much more refreshed and that much more confident throughout the rest of the day.

Stephen:  Yes. I mean, we go to bed at – well, we obviously don’t sleep in the same flat, house or whatever, but this is just from when we were younger and we’re kind of used to it.

Mark:  I go to bed at 10, and then I am sleeping at 10:30. I wake up at 6.

Stephen:  Done. Every day.

Mark:  Do that and you want to get enough sleep and you want to do the same thing. Actually, I listened to another podcast and it’s not a health guy, and he was like, “Oh, you need to change around your sleep and have your curtains so you get the light to wake you up so it’s natural waking.” I kind of wanted to call him out because that’s rubbish. That’s wrong. You want to be in a dark cave and have proper deep sleep.

Stephen:  Correct. It’s when all the correct hormones are produced, is when there’s no light in the room at all.

Mark:  Yes. Because if you live in Greenland, what would you do? Stay asleep all your life? Because there’s no light for six months a year or something.

Stephen:  Something like that.

Mark:  So wrong, that person. However, sleep is massive for you and massive for your confidence.

Stephen:  Correct. So, what else can you do? So choose one of those strategies that you think is most appropriate for you.

Mark:  And if you need to listen to this again, listen to it again, but also the whole transcription and everything is written down at TheDVCC.com on the blog. So if you ever need to refer back to it, you can check it out there and it’s all written down.

Stephen:  But choose one of those strategies or all those strategies, but also maybe, what else can you do regularly that gives you confidence? So, for example, it could be volunteering, it could be helping a friend. Just clearing up a mess that you have put you off in some way. So just like my car, for example. Just cleaning your house makes you more confident, just cleaning your office makes you more confident. All these little things really can add up to really make a difference to your confidence. And as we said, the more confident you are, everything else is easier. Weight loss is easier, life is easier, everything, your relationships, are easier.

Mark:  Exactly! So, I think we’re coming to a close. I just want to say, if you have a look on the right of the blog on TheDVCC.com in the blog, you’ll see we’re giving away a body diagnostic consultation appointment. It’s with one of us, actually, and it would normally cost about £97 for the half hour appointment. But it’s free for you guys listening. So, put your details in and we will get back to you straight away. So just put your details in the right – name, email and mobile. We’ll be able to get you booked in and pinpoint and body diagnose you.

Stephen:  Right.

Mark:  So, have a lovely weekend!

Stephen:  Have a lovely weekend! I hope you take onboard one of those strategies and we’ll speak to you next time!

Mark:  Bye-bye!

Stephen:  Bye-bye.

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